Eat shit

So I should be sleeping, but being single, and being single because the significant other died, usually an effect would be lack of sleep.

I don't think I have been at a loss for sleep in ages.

Has anybody seen the movie 25th hour? With Edward Norton? Well there is a scene in it where he gives his spiel and says 'fuck you' to everyone and everything. Probably one of the most racist things out there. In fact, this movie was so controversial, Blockbuster didn't have it available to rent. I know this because at the time I had no clue how to download movies, and I didn't own it yet. So next best thing was to rent it. Fuck you Blockbuster and your morals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGTEkJ8axbo

err... that's the link to what i'm talking about.

Well I feel like Ed Norton's character 'Monty' (shit is that his name in it? I don't remember). Whenever somebody complains about their life, about how fucking hard it is, I want to tell them to suck it up and deal with it. I want to tell them that they are still so lucky, with what they have. And that if they haven't suffered the death of a loved one, then they should move on until the day comes, and then they can complain for however long they feel like it. Complaints such as, fuck, I don't feel like typing examples, but you know what we all complain about. The same arbitrary bullshit. I feel I don't have the right to complain either, even though I am having to go through all of this, I am so lucky still.

I can see what I am typing. I have a job that puts food in my mouth and pays the bills. The bills that cause me to have the desire to learn how to hack into websites, so I can clear all the debt I have accrued. But I shouldn't even complain about that. There are other people who have more debt than I do. I have all four of my limbs, my hamster is still alive!

Eh, just so much to be thankful for. So much. I wish everybody can realize this, so they would stop dwelling over shit that goes wrong, over shit that doesn't go the way they planned it. I say fuck you and deal with it. Yeah, you need to watch the part I'm referring to, because Mr. Norton said it best.

End note, a lovely memory of Adam.

This is before we were going out, we were just friends. There were four of us, Adam and I, and two other friends. We were on our way to a strip club (yes a strip club) to celebrate Adam's birthday. On the highway there was this guy doing a wheelie while going at least 60mph. I rolled down my window and screamed at him, cheering him on, telling him how hot he was. Adam was so cute because he wanted to show off (he already developed a crush over me at this time) so he raced the guy! Adam was driving a small 4 cylinder Geo Prism. I don't know what he was thinking, but he actually kept up with him! For like a few seconds, then the cyclist zoomed off into the distance. It was such a rush to be in the car when he was doing this. Later when Adam and I were bored, talking (months after we started going out) I asked him about that night. He said that he was jealous of the guy and really wanted to show off for me. How cute that was. You were a really good driver, you never scared me no matter what you did, how fast you went, the crazy turns you drove. Anybody else that rode with you, even if they were 6ft and wasn't scared of anything, you put fear into their hearts. I miss you so much. I miss your crazy driving. Nobody that I have met, is as crazy as you were. Actually, nobody aside from me too. You and I were perfect for each other. We were so crazy when it came to anything! Nothing could stop us. We feared nothing when we were together! Well, at least for the most part. Humans are created to fear whether they admit it or not. There is no way a human can be defined as fearless. It just is not possible.

It irritates me when people say that we were meant for each other. Not because of that specific part, but because they follow up that statement by saying, "you guys were soulmates, and were going to get married" Everything they said made it seem like we were going to grow old together. That it was our fate. What the fuck are you guys talking about? Our fate? Him lying 6 feet under dirt, his corpse rotting away. That's the reality of this so called 'fate' you claim we were supposed to have together.

I really need to get some sleep. Adam I miss you and your crazy driving. I will be in Mineral Wells this weekend, my drifting that I will be doing will be in your name.

I loves you with all my heart. And no the 'loves' is not a typo. That is just how we said it for those who haven't known or caught on.

Kisses.