Too good to be true

I just woke up from a nightmare/dream I suppose? This is the second dream I have had of Adam actually being in it. In my dream Adam had pulled up in his black 240 (Nissan) and walked up to me. He looked the same as he always did, so sexy. :) He gave me my usual kisses on the lips (like he always would whenever he came up to me) and they were so real. He told me that he missed me and asked how I was doing. I told him that I missed him so much and that I wanted him back. He replied by saying that I'm so lucky to be here that I shouldn't wish such things. I told him that it isn't the same without you, and as he was about to tell me something of importance, I woke up crying. It felt so real, his kisses, him talking to me. I can't believe I had a dream like that, because usually in my dreams I usually can't ever find him (because I know in real life he's dead, blah blah blah).

I saw the movie I Love You, Man yesterday. It was pretty hilarious. Although when the main characters got married in it, I started tearing up. I kept thinking, "I wonder what our wedding would've looked like?" I kept imagining Adam's smile, as he would see me walk down that aisle. I can't describe what it would be like, but I know that our wedding would've been amazing. But I should stop with that nonsense. That irreplaceable nonsense and face reality.

So I am not completely sure as to whether what I am about to tell you will be completely out of the ordinary or not. I'm sure everybody worries about their loved one whenever they go out somewhere, right? I know I did that constantly with Adam. But would it freak you out if I told you I knew when Adam was going to die? I think everybody has this, like a sixth sense type of thing. I know shortly before his death I became extra paranoid that he was going to die in a car accident. I just knew he would. I know Wednesday before he passed, when he was going to see a friend in Denton, as he was leaving my sight, I told myself to get one last look at him because I had a feeling it would be the last time. Would it scare you if I said that on his last day, after dropping me off, as he was driving away, I did the same thing? I told myself again, "look at him, it might the last time you see him". I guess it isn't something that should freak people out, and that this is normal. But ever since I was young I always had these sixth sense type of things. Ok, let's not go into it because I could go on forever trying to prove my 'ability'. HAHA. Crazy, yes.

So when I heard the news as I was in the hospital room, surrounded by his family, the shock that I went through. The first thing that came to mind was, "there is no way that I was right". I could not believe it. It had to be a joke, and he had to still be alive. But it was real and it wasn't a joke. My gut instinct was correct, it was correct about him dying and the way he died.

Sigh.

In saying that, I have another bad instinct, I don't want to mention it because I don't want to jinx myself. But when that time comes, I'll be ready.