What we don't realize

You know I spend a lot of time thinking how I wish Adam were still here in my life. I shouldn't waste time on the fact that he can't come back, I tell myself I should be thankful for everything I do have.

I was reading a book, and there was a story about a young man who lost his eyesight due to an accident. He was so depressed and didn't want to live anymore. Until somebody told him to record a list of things that he could still do. Just anything. Like the fact that he could still smell the flowers in his room. The little things.

I tell myself that I am thankful for so many things. Even though Adam had to pass away, I'm thankful that I didn't have to witness the accident firsthand. If I was in the car with him when the accident happened, I would be devastated having had to witness his death. I would feel guilty and think whether I could've done something to save him. I'm thankful that I got to kiss him goodbye, one last time. I'm thankful that we were back together, and we were both happy and in love before he died. I'm thankful that we didn't have a fight and we weren't mad at each other. I'm thankful that we got to spend time with our friends the night before and had a blast. I'm thankful that he died the way he did, and that he didn't have to suffer. Thankful for having met such a wonderful person, and having him show me what love actually is.

And even though I would do anything to bring him back, I'm thankful that he passed away. Why do you ask? Since I can not bring him back to life, I have to be thankful that he died peacefully. What if he had survived that accident and became paralyzed? Or his legs had to be amputated? Or even if he had to be hospitalized for a ridiculous amount of time? As painful as it is to say, and as much as I wished he survived his accident, I know that if he suffered permanent injuries that would cause him to become handicapped, he would be depressed. I know I would take care of him, but even then he would still be depressed. He loved to take care of me and his family. He always wanted to be there for us, and never wanted us to do any hard labor. He would be depressed because God had robbed him of something he was passionate about doing. So with that I am thankful that you are in a better place.

I mean, look at this recession! You're lucky you don't have to go through this!

Of course I always wonder, what if you were still alive? I know we would've gotten married. We always talked about our dream house. How our garage would have a lift so we could work on our cars and make them drift ready! We would have an awesome game room with tons of video games and top of the line computers. Our kitchen would be supreme and make the cooks of Iron Chef jealous!

But what money couldn't buy, I would look forward to you coming home from work, me with open arms, awaiting your embrace, your warmth, your kisses, showering me with your love.

Adam, I miss you terribly. I can't wait to see you. Trust me when I say that there is nobody like you here on earth.

Forever in love with you,
Kristine