Reveal your true self and then you will see

You will then see who we really are. What disgusting pigs we really, truly are.


I hate all of these emotions that are rushing through myself.

I still miss him. I still miss his smell, his touch. I miss the comfort that he brought. I miss the love that he had to give me, overflowing from his heart. I miss ... fuck, this list could go on forever. Yet why must it take so long to realize that I could never have this? Ever again.

Why must I waste away, drowning myself in tears of sorrow, when they should be tears to be thankful I am still alive?

I have lost him, as he stole my heart. I have lost all faith in love and mankind. I can not love anymore. I do not want my heart to be broken again. With the many hearts that I have destroyed, it was my turn, and it was something that I can not mend. I am now sure that not even time could either. This heart of mine will remain in pieces forever until I die. I suppose I deserve it, I am not the only one. I am stronger then most, but because of this experience, I will now be colder. I will become more selfish, I will not care about anyone else.

I had a nightmare earlier. I hate dreaming about him. I visited him at his former place of employment over the weekend. I thought I could handle it, peacefully, yet the sadness overwhelmed me in the form of tears and anger.

Even my mother mentioned that I need to move on and get over it. She is a fucking cunt for telling me such foolish things.

I am not sure what love is anymore. I am not sure how true my love is for him. Maybe even 'was' for him. I feel this way because in any given situation, no matter how much you love somebody, there will always be something that you deem more worthy than the significant other for your personal gain. And given that substance, that object, whatever or whomever it is, you will feed your hunger and delve into such a darkness that will eat your heart alive. Everybody has done it. Everybody will do it. It is just a matter of time. This makes me sick. The human mind makes me sick.

I hate who we are. I hate myself for it. But because this is how we are constructed, we can not change it.

I love you Adam. I know I do. But with my definition of love, I am starting to wonder why it even exists. If in a single breath, it could be destroyed. Any form of love disdained.

And if you haven't caught on, you know given a certain amount of money, given a condition of life or death, something unexpected, your greed and self-indulgence will always win. You will sell your love for something that you would want more. That is such an unfortunate reality. We are all victims of this.

I have a huge distaste for humanity. It gets worse every second.